I Loved Her
by SlytherinAkatsuki
Summary: Severus's life and what he thinks of his beloved flower. The story is MUCH better than the summary, trust me.


I Loved Her

They say that love is something amazing. That it's like you enter a world of happiness and joy, and that you will never want to leave your lover's side. That is true. Love is amazing. It is like you will go to the ends of the earth to make the person you love happy. Like you can do whatever you want as long as you have them, and only a real fool that has never found love would say something like this. Love is incredible, yes, but sometimes it can feel like your heart is being ripped out of your body and burned right in front of you. I know what that feels like. Why? Well, it's because I loved someone so much that I could do anything, anything except for telling her I love her. That one tiny mistake cost me her life. Yes, I Severus Snape, was in love with Lily Evans. I remember the first day I met her. She was playing with her sister outside. I remember seeing her red hair and beautiful green eyes glisten in the sun. I remember how my heart fluttered the first time I saw her smile. Oh, how I loved her beautiful smile. I remember talking to her about Hogwarts and her being special. We would laugh, and enjoy each other's company. Oh how I missed that. I even miss the light scolding she always gave me when I would insult her sister. Funny, how we always miss the smallest things in life. I remember sitting on the train to Hogwarts with her and how she rested her head on my shoulder after she had fallen asleep during the trip. I never would have thought that my heart could beat so loud. I remember how she was clinging to my arm before we went to get sorted. I remember the look on her face that said disappointment when we found out that we were I different houses. But I didn't give up. We still talked and still laughed even though we had less time. I remember our favorite place to sit. It was near the black lake under a big tree we found. I remember how you always loved to sit there and feel the wind on your skin and I would watch your red hair flow gently. Those were the times that I felt happy with you, but alas. It didn't last long. All because of _him_! _That arrogant, lazy, stupid Potter and his pathetic friends!_ I don't recall hating anyone more than those buffoons. I tried to talk to you, but Potter kept taking you away from me. No matter how hard I tried to reach you, you kept getting farther away from me. Then everything shattered. After just _one word_, everything, all the love and friendship he had, shattered and was burned right before my very eyes. Why? Why had I said that word? I tried to talk to you but you wouldn't listen. I became very lonely after that. One day I went to see if you were at our special spot, but what I saw truly hurt me. There, right next to you, was none other than Sirius Black. I remember you talking to him about Potter, and how immature he could be. But the thing you said that truly broke me was the words you said.

"**I love him Sirius, I really, really do. But don't tell James I told you that alright?" "Alright Lily, I promise."**

I never visited that place after that. I felt terrible, terrible because I lost the person I loved. I lost _you_. Life became miserable after that. I just continued the rest of my school years at Hogwarts alone. Then I later joined the Dark Lord. Why? I don't know maybe to fill the void, but I was never sure. And while I became potions Professor at Hogwarts and lived alone, while you married him and had your own son. When I had heard the Dark Lord's prophecy I felt my blood turn to ice. He would be defeated by a boy born at the end of July. How is that possible? I merely shrugged the thought off. Later I heard that he found out who the boy from the prophecy was, and I really couldn't have cared less. That was, until I found out that the boy was Lily's son. I panicked, _'what if he would kill her?' _ I had trouble sleeping after that. I didn't know what to do. I knew I had to help her. If you're wondering why, it's because even though we no longer talk to each other, even though she married the person I hate…I still love her. So I went to the only person who could help me, the only person the Dark Lord feared. I went to Dumbledore. When I got there he could only stare at me with shock filled eyes. After what seemed like an eternity to me he finally spoke.

"**And what may I ask, are you doing here Mr. Snape? "**

"**I need your help. The Potters are in danger, they need to be safe."**

"**How do you know this?"**

"**The Dark Lord has read the prophecy. He intends to kill Lily."**

"**The prophecy did not refer to a woman; it spoke of a boy born at the end of July."**

"**Yes, but he thinks it's her son! He intends to hunt them down and kill them! Hide her, hide them all. I beg you."**

"**What will you give me in exchange Severus?"**

"**Anything."**

"…**.Very well, Severus."**

After that I started working for Dumbledore. All was well for a while. I would give Dumbledore information from the Death Eaters, and the Potters were then sent into hiding. One day while I was walking down the Dark Halls of the Malfoy Manor, I could hear the crying infant from upstairs. It had been about a year or so that the Malfoys had a son. Draco, I believe is what they named him. As I kept walking I then went by a door where I heard Bellatrix scaring one of the Death Eaters_ 'nothing unusual about that'_. It was until I heard his voice that made me stop in my tracks. I knew that quivering voice anywhere. I burst the door open to check to be sure and there it was. Bellatrix was standing over Peter Petigrew, pointing her wand at him. She looked up at me with an annoyed look in her eyes.

"**What are you doing here?"**

" **I could ask the same thing to him."** I said glaring at the shaking man.

Bellatrix smiled one of her sinister smiles and said **"He is one of us now. Apparently he told the Dark Lord where he could find the Potters. He's probably there right now."**

I stared at her in compete shock, though I did not show it. She just looked at me with a confused face until I said something that brought pure joy to her face.

"**Continue with what you were doing Bellatrix, oh and don't be merciful to this one. He is an exception."**

Then I stormed out of the room ignoring Petigrew's cry for help. I quickly left to the Potters hide out where I was praying to not be too late. I apparated to Godric's Hollow as fast as I could then went in front of the Potters house, the door was open so I just stepped in quicklyI looked around, only to see a destroyed living room. Then I saw a body and as I walked towards it, I saw James Potter dead. His eyes were still open, but they were dead inside. Then I heard crying, so I quickly went upstairs hoping that Lily was alright. When I got to the hallway, I saw broken pictures and shattered glass all over the place, I ignored and just followed the sound of the crying at the end of the hall. When I got there I stared in shock. Right there, right in front of me, laid my dear Lily, dead. Her eyes were also open, but they looked like all the joy, and life that was in them had faded. All was left was the emptiness in them. I felt my knees go weak and I leaned on the side of the wall for support. I slowly slid sown and looked at Lily's lifeless body on the floor. Then I slowly crawled to her with teary eyes, and slowly wrapped my arms around her limp body and cried. I cried so hard that I'm sure that even the Ministry of Magic would have heard me by now. Soon my screams your joined by the child's own screaming, soon after what seemed like hours, I got up and reluctantly let go of my deceased love. I soon walked over and looked at the now orphaned boy. I immediately recognized his eyes _'He has his mother's eyes' _I soon felt another rush of tears come to me, but instead of hugging my precious Lily, I grabbed her son. He stopped crying as soon as I hugged him, and he laid his head on my shoulder while I silently let the salty tears pour down my face. Then I sent Dumbledore a letter and before I knew it he came to the ruin house and looked at the dead Potters and their son that was still in my arm. He told me to give him the child, and I did so. Then he told me to go to his office and wait there for him until he returned. I did just that. I apparated to his office and sat there thinking about Lily and the things I never said to her, thinking of how I was too late to save her. Oh Lily, if only you knew how much I loved you. As I waited for him to come, I wept some more tears. He came around an hour later. Then I felt anger run through my veins. I was angry, yes! He promised to keep them safe and he lied! He didn't keep them safe…there dead…Lily Potter and James Potter were dead. He went to his desk and said nothing, ignoring my angry tearful face. Then he finally spoke.

"**I sent the boy to the Dudely's, they are his muggle family members, he should be safe ther-" **

"**You said, you were to keep her ****safe****!"**

"**Lily and James, put their faith in the wrong person, Severus. Rather like you. ****The boy survived****."**

"**He doesn't need protection the Dark Lord is gone!"**

"**The Dark Lord will return! And when he does the boy will be in terrible danger. He has her eyes, if you truly loved her."**

"**No one, can know."**

"**I should never reveal the best of you Severus?"**

"**Your word!"**

"**When you risk your life every day to protect the boy?"**

"**Yes…"**

"**Very well Severus, I will not speak of it to anyone else."**

Soon Black was sent to prison instead of Petigrew, there was nothing I could do. There was no proof of his innocents. Then I continued to be a Hogwarts Professor and I lived on, but a day never went by that I don't think of her. I always felt guilty because of it, and there was nothing I could do either. I thought of her even at my dying breath. Speaking of which, let me tell you about the horrible position I am currently in. Here I am, lying on the cold ground, my throat cut open and my blood oozing out of my throat. Then I feel a hand on my throat that was trying to stop my blood, I looked up to see who it was and I saw the familiar colored eyes that I had thought of ever since I met her. Only this time it wasn't Lily's eyes, it was her son's eyes. He looked at my with worry and something else, pity perhaps? I didn't know. Soon I felt my eyes grow heavy, I was dying I knew I was, and I quickly got all the memories I could and sent them into my tears. I struggled to say the words but luckily they came out.

"**Take them, take them, please…**"

I saw Granger give him a flask and he took it, then I gathered the last of my strength to say to him one last thing.

"**Look at me."** Once he did I said the something that came to my mind every time I saw him.

"**You have your mother's eyes."**

Then with a last, shaky breath and closed my eyes. Now you would say that this is a sad ending, but it isn't because as soon as my eyes closed I felt a hand on my shoulder, I opened them again to see Lily, looking at me with joyful eyes. Before I could say anything she said to me the words that took away all my worries and guilt in life.

"**Thank you Severus, my dear friend."**

_The End_

_**Phew! This took me 4 whole days! But you know what, it was worth it! So I hope you all enjoyed this, please review! =)**_


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